Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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