You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize