Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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