cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
