Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
