I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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