I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
