Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
