he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
