I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
