Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize