took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
