my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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