final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
