First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
