it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh god it's open bar.
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