my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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