I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize