Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
one two three fourrrrnication!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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