Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
