I think scott just propositioned me for sex
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
