i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
