I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
