Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
