Where is the hickey?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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