some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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