we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
