i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
