Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
