iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We're too hungover to prance.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
