I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
