pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
