Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
