i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize