Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
