Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
