Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
