I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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