Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
