im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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