i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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