I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
