well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
