Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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