A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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