im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
