Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
