Plan B is the new Plan A
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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