I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
