Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
