lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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