Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
