she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
