please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
