I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
