My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize