This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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