Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
