I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
