He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
