told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
