I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
