Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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