I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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