Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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