You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
