Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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