when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
