Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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