I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i've created a new STD.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
