he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
