ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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