I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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