somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
