put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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