I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
