Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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