i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
