1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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