Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
