break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
