My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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