I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
