But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
what day is it and did you see me today?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
