today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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