You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Found your dick twin last night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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