This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
