you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
