I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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