I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
